Five years ago, I learned an important lesson: before the breakthrough comes the breakdown. I want to tell you about my breakdown, my lowest moment, but in order to understand the breakdown, I need to give you a little back story.

I have been an athlete my whole life. I was a two-sport college athlete (volleyball & softball) at Grand Canyon University in Arizona and I have always LOVED to workout and compete.

I married a handsome fireman who was gone for work for 24-48 hours at a time. Which meant I was alone...a lot.

Three years after my last college game, I became a mama for the first time. I gained 65 lbs during that pregnancy. Nine months after baby number one, I became pregnant with baby number two. I was still carrying 30 pounds from my first pregnancy. With my second, I surpassed the 200lb mark for the second time in two years. My son’s first 3 years were hospital ridden and medically expensive.

I ATE my fear and despair almost daily.

The pregnancy weight never came off. With baby number three, I surpassed the 200 mark yet again and was now struggling with postpartum depression.

Fast Forward to the breakdown.

I remember my breakdown so clearly that I can feel the emotional vibrations in my body as I type these words.

I was a Mama of three, my littlest was barely 6 months old. My husband had returned from our 4-years-olds soccer practice around dinner time. I had, had a hard day and he could clearly see that on my face.

Thoughts were swarming my head. “OMG, your husband goes to work tomorrow. It will be just you and three kids who cry, poop and ask for snacks all day long and want to be entertained constantly.” It will be just me for 24 to 48 hours. I could feel the panic taking over.

I told him, “I am going to go take a bath. I need a minute to myself.”

His poor face, you could tell he was not going to say no or even ask if I was ok because he knew there was a storm brewing and didn’t want to be the reason for mass destruction.

I was desperate for a little me time.

I was sitting in the tub and the water was about half full. I looked down at my body and a knot in my throat began to grow and pulsate. It felt like shreds of glass moving up my neck. The pressure moved from my throat to my eyes which made my eyes burn and my head vibrate.

I WAS FREAKING OUT INSIDE.

The walls were crashing down. The “I’m good, fine and okay,” lies I had been telling myself would no longer keep the eruption of thoughts and emotions at bay.

I began asking myself rapid-fire questions…

Whose freaking body is this?

Do you even know what you are doing?

Whose legs are those? Those are not my legs.

How in the hell do you have three kids? What do you know about being a mom?

Where did that waist come from? This does not feel like my waist.

What happened to your skin?

Who is this person? This is not my body.

Where in the world is Krista? Where did she go?

I felt completely disconnected from the person in front of me.

Where is that strong confident two-sport college athlete that I know, love and respect?

Where is she?

The only thing this body in this tub does is change diapers, clean up sippy cups, give baths and watch Mickey Mouse all day long!

I was angry, frustrated, trapped, insecure, scared, and at this point, sobbing. LIKE UGLY CRY SOBBING. Like when you can’t speak and you’re drooling on yourself crying and I was naked. Quite possibly, the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life!

I had completely and totally lost myself in becoming a mom, annnnd Mama LET. ME. TELL. YOU. there is a lot of shame and guilt in even saying that out loud.

I feel like all the mommy eyes are on me thinking, “what, what...how can you dislike the stripes.”

You know what I am talking about, the earned mommy stripes that we are all supposed to wear with pride and love the body that housed these three little humans. We should own it and rock it and be proud of it. Well let me be frank, I FELT NONE of those things at that time about the mother of all body transformations I received from housing and birthing three humans.

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my three humans, I do, but I don’t love what it did to my body. I’m just being honest, I didn’t know how to love it at that time! I couldn’t identify with this new me. It was foreign to me and shame and guilt kept me quiet about it, which kept me in turmoil.

Then I felt guilty and resentful for feeling the way I did. I was really uncomfortable and really unhappy.

I hollered to my husband, “Can you come to see me?”

He walked in and saw me crying in the tub and was like whoa what tornado did I run into?

Crying, I said, “I don’t know who I am or what to do. I’m stuck and I need help. I can’t stay here in this space anymore.”

With a blank stare on his face, he said, “Whatever you need, let’s get you better.”

That was the beginning of my breakthrough!

So, I started going back to the gym and it felt good but not great because I had too much weight on my frame to do the workouts I wanted to do.

I lost a little weight after six months, it was a good start. I knew then that I had to get my nutrition on point in order to get where I wanted to go.⁣ Two months into hiring my own macro coach and tracking my macros my life changed forever.

I knew there was NO GOING BACK! I knew too much to live the food-life I once lived. I have been tracking and coaching for five years and each year it gets better and better. I learn more and more about what my body likes and dislikes and I am IN LOVE with the process!

You see, I meet most of my clients at their breakdown. My clients come to me because they are in a spot in their lives that has caused them to hit bottom when it comes to their weight loss journey.

These mamas feel just like I did, broken and incapable of committing to the promises they make to themselves. Constantly breaking that trust by always putting others’ needs in front of their own. They were used to taking a back seat and sacrificing for the greater good of the home. Neglecting what gave them that fierce mommy energy.

However, these mamas also know that something has to change. They know that if they show up for themselves, they can show up so much better for others. It’s putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first so we can help everyone else. The weight they are carrying physically and mentally is too much to bear any longer and they are ready to dump it for good.

I am able to be there for my clients because I have been there too.⁣ If I can do it, so can you!

That breakdown helped me breakthrough to live the life I wanted. I was able to love myself as much as I loved my kids. I found food freedom and healthy boundaries. I was strong again - not just physically strong but mentally strong as well.⁣

I want that for you too.

If you’re ready to breakthrough your breakdown, then let’s chat. Let’s start your own health journey now.

Your breakdown doesn’t have to be your ending point, it can be your breakthrough point