Bust through these 3 martyr mom myths to take back the joy in your life and health

Are you a martyr mom? A martyr mom sacrifices every single thing in her life to help everyone else. She’ll give up buying herself new clothes, even if she really needs them, so that her kids can have a new toy. A martyr mom will volunteer in her kids’ classrooms even though she doesn’t have the time. She’ll eat bits and pieces off her kids’ plates because she’s too tired to make a real meal for herself. Martyr moms wear themselves down until there’s nothing left to give. 

We do this because we think that’s what’s expected of us! We think that it’s our responsibility to sacrifice everything so that our families are taken care of. But, do you know what happens to martyr moms? They burnout.

We can’t always be giving everything to everyone else. We have to learn to take care of ourselves and our families have to learn that it’s acceptable for mom to put herself first sometimes!

I want to break down a few misconceptions that martyr moms cling to so that I can show you how putting yourself first, is the most selfless things you can do for your family, especially when it comes to your health.

Myth #1: Your time belongs to your family first. If there’s any left over, then you can use it on yourself.

We all know what a precious gift time is, especially as mamas. Kids grow up quickly. They need us to help guide them through life. You’re supposed to volunteer to help in their classrooms, or maybe you’re even their teacher! #pandemiclife  And if your family is anything like mine, you have a part time job as an after school chauffeur to all their practices and games.

These time commitments can quickly pile up leaving us without a moment to breathe. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on your kids.

You can still be a good mom - in fact, I would argue a better mom - if you spend a few hours a day on yourself!

You are a real life person with needs and wants and that is OK! You’re allowed to focus on yourself. To block off a few hours a day where you take care of those needs first!

I always tell my mama clients that they can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t give your kids what they need if you don’t have what you need first. At the very least, you need to take care of your physical needs like, eating healthy food, moving your body, showering and getting ready for the day. These basic needs are important! Don’t ignore them.

You’re not always going to be there for your kids. They have to learn to do things on their own and sometimes what looks like a selfish choice, like having your kids get their own breakfast so you can workout, is actually selfless. You’re teaching your kids about independence and that is a life skill they must have!

Don’t give up all of your time in the name of being a good mom. Take time for yourself. Teach your kids that your needs are just as important as their needs. And in the end, you’ll all be happier and healthier for it! 

Myth #2: Spending money on your kids is more important than spending money on yourself.

Martyr moms are notorious for never spending money on themselves. I get it, kids are expensive! They’re constantly growing out of their clothes. We have to pay for all the activities they want to do. And heaven help us, if our kids need braces!

Yes, kids take up a lot of the family budget but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have financial needs as well!

One of the excuses I hear all the time about why a mama doesn’t embark on a healthy living journey is because it’s too expensive. She doesn’t want to hire a nutritional coach or get a gym membership or even buy whole foods because then there’s less money for the rest of the family. But, when we put off our health because it’s expensive we put something else at risk: the amount of time we’ll be around with our families.

I prioritize my health because I want to be with my family as long a humanly possible. Over the years, I’ve invested a lot of money on being at my best health. This money could have been spent on my kids, on family vacations, or even put in savings. But I chose to spend this money on myself because if I was still 60 lbs overweight, I couldn’t really be there for my kids. 

I couldn’t help my daughter practice soccer drills. I couldn’t throw the baseball around with my son. I wouldn’t be able to be the mom I want to be if I wasn’t in my best health. The money I’ve spent to get healthy isn’t just impacting me, it’s impacting my kids and my family.

When you start to view your health investment as investment in your family’s health and happiness, it seems selfish to hold back, doesn’t it?

Myth #3: My family won’t eat healthy, I’ve tried, so what’s the point?

Martyr moms care so much about their families. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t give up everything for them. Of course you’ve tried to help your family eat healthy foods, exercise and get enough sleep! But it doesn’t stick right?

Mama, you are more than a chauffeur, a short order cook, a housekeeper. You are a leader. When you make changes in your life, those changes trickle down and change your family too.

If you haven’t stuck to eating healthy, working out, getting enough sleep, etc, your kids won’t do it either. If you don’t talk to your kids about wanting to take care of your body so that you can be the mom and woman you want to, then they won’t want that for themselves.

Leaders invest in themselves. They put in the time, money and other resources that will help them grow and change because they want to help others grow and change. This is your real job: to lead your family. A martyr doesn’t lead. An empowered mama leads.

Empower yourself by putting your needs first. Invest in yourself by giving yourself permission to take time or money for yourself. As you grow and change you’ll see that your family follows, even if it’s bit by bit.

If you struggle with the Martyr Mom mindset and want to change but feel a little lost, then let’s talk! Schedule a call with me and we can discuss how to change that mindset and set you on a path of health and wellness for you and your family!

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