The best way to lose weight during the holiday season is to allow yourself to be a beginner

I see so many women jump into a health and weight loss journey with the expectation that they’ll be able to do it perfectly. But then, they mess up and assume they’ve failed. This isn’t true!! No one is perfect at something when they first start out, and unfortunately, that applies to you too. If you want to achieve your weight loss goals, especially through the holiday season, then you have to allow yourself to be a beginner.

None of us like to be beginners. But being a beginner is exactly how we change from being unhealthy to healthy. It’s what allows us to make huge strides in our health during the busiest time of the year!

I am a recovering perfectionist, and I have to re-learn this lesson a lot. But I had an experience the other day that made this lesson stick out to me even more. I want to tell you about that experience and then show you why you’re afraid to be a beginner and how to overcome it to achieve your health and weight loss goals.

The need to be perfect from the beginning starts in childhood

My youngest daughter Emerie just started her first year of club soccer. She’s watched her older sister and brother play club sports for years and she was so excited that it was finally her turn to play!

On Monday she had practice and that was the day she realized that she was on the C team. She asked her coaches what she was on, and they told her she was on the C team and didn’t think much about it. Which is totally fair! It’s true and it doesn’t mean anything negative about Emerie or her abilities. She’s brand new to the sport!

After practice, Emerie hopped in the car and was telling me how much fun she had at practice and how amazing soccer is. I was so excited for her and we were both so happy about her newfound love for the sport. 

Then, she said, “Mom I found out today that I'm on the C team. What does that mean?”

And my heart sank. 

Emerie is insanely competitive. She likes being the best. She does not like being a beginner.

I knew where this conversation was going to go, so I tried explaining it to her without pointing out that she was on the lowest team, But, she’s a smart girl and understands how the alphabet works.

She said, “So the A team is the best team, B is the second-best team and the C team is the worst team. I'm on the worst team.”

I tried to explain to her that she wasn’t on the worst team. She and her teammates are all beginners. I told her that they were all learning and trying to figure it out.

It was 45 minutes of sobbing. 

You guys, for 45 minutes I told her that it was ok to be a beginner. I explained that her big sister, who she looks up to so much, who she loves and adores, who she thinks is the most incredible athlete in the world, started on the C team. And she was on the C team for a while, and then she went to the B team. And she was on the B team for a while because there were things that she needed to learn. 

And now she's on the A team. And she's crushing it. She’s strong, and bold, and confident now because she spent the time building up her skills!

I told her, it's okay to be a beginner. It's okay to not know how to do things. It's okay to be lost on the field. That’s what parents and coaches are there for, to help her get better!

We finally came to a consensus that it was ok to be a beginner, that we were going to keep showing up and doing the work. We even talked to her coaches and signed up for extra practices so she could improve and become better.

She wants to play a certain position on her soccer team, so she has a practice devoted solely to that position. She had specialty practice a few days after our conversation about being a beginner.

The practice starts at 4:30 and Emerie gets out of school at 4:15. It makes for an insane after-school rush to get her there on time.

While she's putting food in her mouth, I am undressing and re-dressing her. Throwing her socks on so we can get to her specialty practice on time. We get there literally 3 to 5 minutes before practice starts.

As we were walking to the pitch, I could see from the parking lot that the coach had already started to explain and run drills. And we're five minutes early. He started practice early. 

As Emerie is running over to join the team, I see two other little twin girls running over there as well and all three of them get in line. They're not screwing around. They're paying attention, and they're waiting for their turn. 

They’re running a difficult drill. They’re supposed to do ladders, then a ball is rolled to them and they pick up the ball and roll it back. The rest of the team ran through the drill, and then it came to the three girls, including Emerie, who didn’t hear the instructions.

The first little girl got to the front and she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what the drill is or what she's supposed to be doing. She looks around and doesn’t move. The coach gets really upset and he said, “If you don't know what you're doing get to the back of the line!”

I watch this little seven-year-old girl hang her head, she's embarrassed and confused, and she runs to the back of the line.

That grabbed my attention. I was like OK, what’s happening?

And then the second little girl comes up. She couldn’t see what was going on in front of her because they were in a line. She does exactly what her sister did. She looks around, looks at the coach. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do.

The coach says, “If you can't pay attention and follow the drill, go to the end of the line!”

Now my heart is like what is going on here? No. Don't you dare talk to these little girls like this! They're scared, and they're nervous, and they're seven, and they're brand new at this position. 

Now, I'm trying to not get too fired up, but my mama bear energy is flowing and it’s getting crazy. 

Then he gets to Emerie. And Emerie doesn't know because the girls in front of her didn’t know! 

And he said, “That's it if you guys can't pay attention and you don't know what's going on in the drill, go to the back of the line until you figure it out!”

You guys I lost my mind. 

I lost my brain cells because I was like no! I just talked to my daughter for 45 minutes and built her up and told her it's OK to be a beginner. It's okay to have questions. It's okay to not know what you're doing and to show up and suck in a drill because your coach is going to cultivate success in you.

I politely, but not so politely, stopped the coach. I said, “Excuse me these girls got here after you had already given instructions. They are seven years old. They don't know what to do. They need to be coached.”

And he looked at me and he was like, “Well they should be paying attention.”

I said, “They were paying attention. They clearly don’t know what to do.”

He's like, “OK well you guys need to watch the beginning of the drill. Watch what the people in front of you do and then do it.”

I was like OK. So then I stood there. And these girls who waited patiently for their turn had to wait again. They get up to the front of the line and the first little girl is now petrified. She does not know what to do still. She's frozen in action.

Then, the most amazing thing happened.

A little girl who was three people back stepped out of line and she said, “Oh I'll show you how to do it!” and she went into the ladder and she modeled, in, in, out, out. In, in, out, out, with her feet. Which gave the first little girl permission to step into the ladder and to do it. 

In, in, out, out. In, in, out, out.

She then gave permission to her sister behind her to do it. 

In, in, out, out. In, in, out, out.

This gave Emerie permission to be a beginner to go into the ladder and do it. 

In, in, out, out. In, in, out, out.

I looked over at Emerie after she went through it one time. I said, “We good?” and she said, “Yeah, we're good.” 

That moment could have robbed these three little girls of the courage to be a beginner in something else in their future.

Why you think being a beginner is a bad thing

Can you relate to Emerie’s experience? Was there a time when a parent, or teacher, or coach told you being a beginner wasn’t good enough? That you should know how to do something the first time?

Somewhere inside of you, and inside of me, there is a little girl (or a little boy) who was taught that there was no space to be a beginner. That not being able to do everything right the first time was not ok.

You were taught that you needed to show up and be perfect from the start. That if you needed to ask questions, or get clarification on something, then you weren’t good enough. That if you couldn’t get step one correct the first time, then you weren’t worthy of the success that came after step one.

We took this lesson and applied it to every other aspect of our lives.

If you couldn’t lose weight in a week, then you were destined to be overweight forever.

If you couldn’t cook perfect, healthy meals the second you got married, then you were a horrible wife.

You stopped allowing yourself to be a beginner. To admit that you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t or wouldn’t ask questions to learn more and understand. Instead, you watched the people around you and tried to figure it out on your own.

Just like Emerie and her teammates, watching wasn’t enough. You need someone to teach you what you don’t know. And that is especially true of your nutrition! What your parents modeled for you probably wasn’t what you actually needed to know. If you want to make it through the holidays without more weight gain - and maybe even some weight loss - then you need to give yourself permission to be a beginner.

Give yourself permission to be a beginner

The best way that we learn is through failure. The most impactful way that we learn is through failure. If you’re afraid to fail, it might be the why you have an addiction, or why you constantly try to get healthy and fall off the wagon, or it might be why you lose weight and gain it back. 

Being afraid of failure is why you cannot break free from where you are. You’re looking for perfection in the space where you are a beginner!

Once you grant yourself permission to be a beginner in your nutrition, in motherhood, in exercise, or in anything you’re struggling with, you could allow yourself to get the help you need to become a pro at it.

If you’re struggling to lose weight, then I want to help you go from beginner to pro. But I’m going to warn you, you have to be ok being a beginner because the tools I want to give you and teach you about are going to go against what you think you know about nutrition.

I’m going to tell you that eating carbs is a good thing.

I’m most likely going to tell you that you need to eat more, not less to lose weight.

I’m going to tell you it’s ok to eat ice cream, Red Vines, or Oreos without guilt, shame, or regret.

If you don’t allow yourself to be a beginner, then my program can’t help you. If you’re already the expert on what’s good and what’s bad, then you aren’t going to be open to learning something new.
But, if you can keep an open mind and trust me, then you’re going to not just maintain weight while enjoying the holiday season, but I’ll help you lose weight too.

If you’re ready to rethink your nutrition and learn how to eat the food you love while losing weight, then let’s talk. Schedule a free discovery call with me to see if we’re a good fit for your weight loss journey!

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